


When the sun goes down, who changes the bulb?

by Reskel



Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 16:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reskel/pseuds/Reskel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An open diary from Vault 101's Lone Wanderer to the father that left her.<br/>(some strong language, violence.  Nothing worse than in the actual Fallout 3 game)</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the sun goes down, who changes the bulb?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rex/gifts).



When the sun goes down, who changes the bulb?

### August 19, 2277

### 

Hey Dad.

I don't know if you're ever going to get to see this. I mean, I'm just writing in a crappy half-burned book I found. I'm sitting in the common house in a town called "Megaton", though I guess you already knew this place was here, didn't you?

God, I don't even know half the stuff you knew about the real world and didn't tell me. Point is, I'm out here now and I'm on your trail. There are a lot of bones out there though, and a lot of places I could die. I'd like to think that if the worst happens, maybe this dingy heap of paper might make it to you and you'd know that you didn't have to run off into the world alone.

I guess I should start from the beginning, shouldn't I? You left in the middle of the night. Amata had to wake me up. They… they killed Jonas, dad. I don't even know the whole of the story. He wouldn't tell them what they wanted to know about you and so they killed him. If it hadn't been for Amata I'd probably be dead too. I didn't exactly show my gratitude to her…

I'll make a long story short here, I got out of that hole in the ground and I found myself in the middle of a patch of dry broken rock and dirt. There's practically nothing out here, dad. I mean, maybe you're used to this stuff, apparently you've been out here forever, but for me? I don't know how long I lay next to the door to the vault, curled up and crying. There was just so… so much. And so much of it was devastated or nothing; I guess they don't call it the wastelands for nothing. Everywhere I looked there were either ruins or desert. In some ways it was better than I'd imagined it. Hearing the Overseer talk about the surface world, I half expected a raider to jump out of a rock and rape my corpse. Every time the wind picked up I'd stop crying, clutch my gun in trembling hands and wait for the club to fall on my head. In some ways, though, it was so much worse than what I'd expected.

It's quiet out there, dad. When the vault doors closed and I couldn't hear anyone anymore… No humming HVAC, no machinery, I couldn't hear anything anymore… sometimes I worry that I went insane; that this has all been a delusion and I'm going to wake up back in the vault.

But then I stop writing to throw a rock at the guy snoring two beds down. If I duck back down quick enough he goes back to sleep and I get another hour without him trying to run a power-winch through his sinuses.

I should probably get some sleep too. These last few days have been ridiculous and I'm beat all to hell.

One last thing I'll tell you about my flight for now. I've shot people now, dad. You raised me to save lives, to know how to help and heal people. Now I've killed them. I could try to defend myself, but it's all still so muddled up in my head. I don't think I had a choice though. Did I have a choice dad? I mean, I thought he was going to kill Amata! He killed Jonas, he wanted to kill me; hell, some of the guards took shots at me! It was self-defense, right? I don't know. I don't know if it was the right thing to do. I was just so mad, so angry at you and him and… I shot the Overseer dad. Killed him dead. I'm still seeing him crumple to the floor when I sleep. That's why I'm up in the middle of the night writing to you.

When I sleep, I see the Overseer die.  
Sometimes, I wish it was you.

 

### August 21, 2277

### 

Sorry about that.

Anyway, yesterday was crazy. Today's the first chance I've had to really write again. The only reason I can afford to stay in the common house here is because of Walter and Moira. I suppose I should back up again. Once I'd finally collected myself enough to try venturing a little ways away from the vault doors, I started wandering around. We used to get radroaches in the vault and I knew about the raiders (Hey, remember that birthday when you gave me the BB gun and let me shoot that roach! I shot so many since then.) I guess I was looking at the sky, it's so huge! It goes on forever and ever. I think I wasted another hour just staring up at all that sky. I felt so small, just looking up and realizing how tiny and insignificant I was. The first night I saw stars for the first time I was so amazed. I don't think I slept at all the first night out of the vault. Anyway, I wasn't watching where I was going and I ran into… I guess it's a molerat? That's what Moira says they are. Giant god-damned pink rats with a mouth the size of a frying pan.

The thing was minding its own business rooting through some underbrush, I stumbled too close and the next thing I know I've got a tooth longer than my hand bone-deep in my thigh. I was so scared, it hurt so much, I'm not sure how I managed to get my gun out. Next thing I know I've emptied half a clip, decapitated the thing and I'm trying to frantically to pry its giant incisor out of my leg! I was hurt pretty badly, if I hadn't swiped a couple of stimpacks from your office on my way out I think I probably would have just bled to death. It was the worst I think I've ever been hurt, dad. I was out of my mind at that point. Everything was just so crazy. In the course of 4 hours everything I'd known was turned inside out and I was bleeding out in the middle of a wasteland desert. If I hadn't been your daughter, if you hadn't trained me in medicine you probably wouldn't be reading this. I'd have just died out there.

By the time I had myself properly bound and stimpacked up it was about to get dark and I'd started making my way more directly to the ruins of the town I'd seen. When I'd gotten there, I discovered that there wasn't really anywhere that would offer me good shelter. I was worried about shock and possible infection of the wound. I knew I needed to get off the leg and really treat it. At that point, I didn't even know if there _was_ civilization. I mean, "We're born in the vault, we die in the vault," right? I guess that's why the sign to Megaton is right there.

Of course, Manya told me that Megaton was started by people trying to get into 101, so it's not all that surprising from that perspective. At the time though, I remember being so desperate. I didn't know what Megaton was, other than a unit of measurement it could have been anything right? But it was obviously a sign made by people. I'm just glad it didn't turn out to be a raider haven or something. Of course I know now that the raiders tend to deck their places out a little… cruder. That's mostly what I was doing today actually. Moira is trying to write a book of some kind. Mostly for people like me, actually. People who've been sheltered and kept away from reality their entire lives and suddenly find themselves needing to learn how to survive out here. Wanna know the first thing I learned out here?

Did you know the people out here trade bottle caps for goods and services? _Bottle caps_! I mean, I've seen some of the pre-war money (Moira had a bill she showed me. I don't know who the picture is of, but it's neat stuff) and I don't know what made bottle caps the popular form of currency but yeah… The first lesson I got out here (other than don't get bitten by giant rodents) was this: Nobody does nothin' for free. When I first got to the gates of Megaton, limping and trying not to cry, I almost shot that robot (Deputy Weld? I'll ask someone later.) I had my gun pointed at him and everything. I'm so used to Andy that I wasn't expecting a bot like that. It wasn't until he welcomed me in that silly cowboy accent that I figured out he wasn't going to start shooting me (Manya tells me it's a cowboy accent. I don't know what cowboys are, but apparently Lucas and his robot are cowboys). Was that bot there when you first came through here dad?

Anyway, I got into town and stumbled my way down the hill into this big crater. There's a giant bomb in the middle of town, dad. Seriously, they say it's from the war. Some 200 year old bomb sitting there un-detonated. Not to mention the crazy cult that now worships the bomb. God, I think we were supposed to worship the Overseer. That's probably just as crazy, but who could worship something that's just going to kill you one day? I guess that applied in both cases, huh?

Lucas (do you know Lucas Simms, the sheriff? You must…) met me when I first came in. He could see me bleeding, scared to death and looking like I'd dragged myself across half the wasteland. He got me right down to Doc Church. I was so scared I kept telling the poor doctor how to do his job. He finally shut me up with a sedative and fixed me up properly. Then he asked me for payment.

You know, it was so much easier in the vault. Everybody did something because everyone needed to survive. It was the needs of the many, right? I mean, you never asked for money when you fixed up poor Mr. Armstrong, did you? We all just did what we could to make living that much easier for everyone. Out here though, out here it's everyone for themselves. I learned that pretty quickly. I also learned that the knickknacks and things in my pockets weren't going to get me very far.

To cut a long story short again, Walter is the guy maintaining the water system here and he didn't have time to be attending to every repair in the whole system. A little bit of knocking about with a wrench and I'd made enough caps to convince Lucas to let me stay in the common house for a bit. He says I have a week. I've been trying to save up a bit of money. That's why I've been helping Moira with her book (she runs Craterside Supply. She said she hadn't seen you, so maybe you don't know her?) She pays me pretty well for it and it's not going to be easy to track you down. I'm obviously going to need caps to spare, dad, if I'm going to catch up with you. Today she wanted me to go see if there was still any food down in the old Super-Duper Mart. Well, mostly what was there was raiders. Raiders with every intention of ripping me a new one, no less. Have I mentioned how grateful I am that you taught me how to shoot when I was a kid? Doc Church says I should be fine, that the bullet left a clean hole. I never thought I'd have to deal with getting shot at, dad. I mean- boredom, tedium, regularity, a life that was all but plotted for me… I was ready for that stuff, you know? Today I had a bullet hole stitched shut.

Was this what you had in mind for me, when you brought me to the vault? To live and to die without getting shot at? I suppose that's something I could have gotten behind if I'd known the choice.

 

### August 23, 2277

### 

Today I did something else I'm not very proud of, dad. When I got to town, I learned pretty quickly that to get you have to give. Nobody drove that home quicker that Moriarty. He's the only one who'd say word one about you. I tried asking Nova or Gob. I'll skip the parts where I embarrassed myself trying to figure out exactly what Nova did (I'm pretty sure nobody ever got "Town Whore" on the G.O.A.T.) or what exactly Gob _was_ (why didn't you tell me there were zombies up here? Or that they're actually pretty nice once you get past the fact that they literally look like death.). Those two weren't talking; all they said was to ask Moriarty. So I did. That's how I know about your lies, dad. That's how I know that you could have prepared me so much better for the world up here. You could have told me what to expect and where to expect it. I know, I know, you said in your tape "Don't follow me." Except you didn't tell me _anything_ else, nothing. How was I supposed to know what to do or how to do it? No, I think you knew as well as anybody that I was going to follow you, to try to make sense of all of this. And now I find myself even more confused than before. Moriarty told me about when you came through Megaton with me as a baby, how small I was. You knew about all this up here and you didn't tell me a damn bit of it. You just left me to figure it all out. Well I'm doing just that dad, and when I've got it all together, I'm coming after you. Even if I did have a choice before, I certainly don't now. I remember Amata's eyes watching me leave the vault with a mix of revulsion and pity. I can't go back, dad, only forward. And today, Moriarty told me where you were going.

Not for free, obviously. No, see, he had some problems with an ex-whore of his. Silver, by name. Apparently she'd run off on him while still owing him some caps. If I wanted to know where you'd gone, I was going to have to… deal with her. She'd holed up in Springvale and it took me a while to track down her place. Springvale's not huge, I suppose I should have seen the only whole building pretty easily, but the wasteland has a way of all looking the same. I tried to talk to Silver, to convince her to just give up the caps and let me go on my way. I really tried, dad. She was too strung out, too into the Psycho to listen to me. She pulled her piece and I wasn't about to take another slug. She's dead now and I'm up a couple hundred caps and some information. Maybe I see why you didn't talk about what it's like to live out here, dad. I mean, lord knows I would have murdered Butch a dozen times over if I'd known the rule is kill or be killed out here. I don't know how to feel dad. I got what I wanted, the information about where you are, but I had to kill someone else to do it. And I don't even really feel all that bad. I must have killed 15 raiders in the Super-Duper mart the other day. Why should I feel bad about this one, lonely, drugged-out whore living alone in a shack in some ruins? It's confusing out here dad, it really is. I just wish you'd told me more about it. Maybe helped me make a bit more sense of it.

 

### August 24, 2277

### 

Oh god. Why do I help Moira? Why?! Oh jesus. If I ever find you dad, I'm putting you through this. I think this is just punishment. Oooooh, god. I can barely write. Moira says I should be feeling fine after a day of bed-rest. She says a lot of things. Things like "Oh, what's a little radiation poisoning going to do to you?" Oh lord. Why didn't I just take the regular Rad Away? Why did I have to let her run one of her damned "experiments"? I blame you, father. You and your damned love of science! If you hadn't raised me to be so damned inquisitive I would have told Moira to go fuck herself, like any sensible person would have. Arrghhh. She better have been kidding about that mutation thing.

 

### August 25, 2277

### 

I think I'm feeling better about myself dad. For one thing, I can move without vomiting. Moira's stupid anti-radiation medicine finally kicked in properly. I paid Maggie Creel 10 caps to mess with Moira's inventory as revenge. Secondly, I'm writing this from the comfort of my very own bed, in my very own home. It's pretty nice to have a place to myself, you know? Not worrying about having to kick somebody out of my common-house bed. Lucas set me up with this place. He calls me the "Hero of Megaton".

So today, I was in the bar talking to Gob. A man in a fedora and suit approached me, says he has a job for me. Can you believe the psycho wanted me to detonate the bomb, dad? I tried to play it cool, said I'd look into it and get back to him. He bought it and I went to get Lucas. Look, I know I was having doubts about killing people dad, but I still know better than to wipe out an entire city. Don't worry; the wastelands haven't corrupted your daughter that much yet. Anyway, Lucas and myself came back to confront this Mr. Burke. Lucas, bless his heart tried to simply arrest him… If my gun had been a fraction slower, dad, Lucas probably wouldn't even be here. Burke is dead now, he said something about vengeance or something along those lines but what matters is that he's out of the picture.

I was talking to Lucas afterwards and we both decided that something needed to be done about the bomb, permanently. As the closest thing to a real mechanic in the town, I guess it fell to me to deal with it. It wasn't easy to get near it without arousing suspicion. Mr. Cromwell (He heads up the death cult that worships the bomb, don't know if you steered clear of him, I know I've been avoiding him) was standing at the nose of the thing, proselytizing as usual. I ended up having to trick Nathan into thinking that Mr. Cromwell was "Anti-American" (whatever that means). You should have heard him, dad. He went over and started singing the theme song to the enclave show right in Cromwell's face, just yelling and screaming about how "America will rise again, DA DA DADA DAA DADA DAAAA." All the while, the Confessor was yelling back about the "Atom" and how Nathan needed to "bask in His Glow". It was hilarious, honestly. And it worked, drew every eye in town. While they were bickering, I opened up the housing and managed to disconnect the main ignition wires. The payload is still deep in there somewhere but it would take an explosion from a bomb about the same size to really set it off. I guess reading that Duck and Cover magazine while I've been laid up this past week wasn't a complete waste of time, eh? I have to tell you though, I was sweating bullets the whole time. I don't think I stopped sweating until a couple of minutes ago.

Anyway, I told Lucas the good news and he gave me the keys to my very own house! I've even got my own Andy now (He's named Wadsworth, though)! His jokes are terrible (I mean, really terrible. I wish he'd get a clue subroutine) but he can purify water pretty well and he keeps the place tidy. It's kind of weird, I mean, it's certainly not the sterile cleanliness of the vault in here. Far from it, this place looks like it was cobbled together from whatever was lying around (which, I guess, it was actually). But it's still pretty cozy. I think most of all I just like knowing that it's mine. The door is locked by a nice strong key lock (I tried the old bobby pin trick on it and this lock didn't budge), so I feel pretty safe in here. I'm not going to stay long, but it's good to know I'll have a place to keep my stuff. I don't know if you remember that old bobble head you used to keep on your desk? I stole that. I know you looked for it for weeks; I just wanted it for good luck on the G.O.A.T. After that you were so frustrated that I never found a good time to give it back. When I first came out here, it… it reminded me of you dad, of the better times. Sometimes before I went to sleep I'd just wiggle the head like I used to when I'd visit your office when I was a kid. It's hard to believe it's barely been a week since I left the vault. It seems like I've already seen so much, done so much. Right now your bobble head is sitting on top of my refrigerator. That way I'll always have to look up to it. Like I do you.

 

### August 26, 2277

### 

I'm heading out tomorrow Dad. I really like the people here in town and all, but it's time I got back down to the business of figuring out where you went. I know you're in DC somewhere and I need to track down Galaxy Radio. Maybe Three-Dog can tell me where you're at, or a little more about what's going on.

They threw a party for me today. A "Don't tell the Children" party, but it was fun none-the-less. Everyone came out to thank me for making their town that much safer. I'm not sure how the word got out, but it felt really nice. Jenny and Leo Stahl made the food and brought it by my place. Leo looked a little bug-eyed, but he had it in check (I think Jenny's the only one in town who _doesn't_ know about his Jet problem, maybe I should try talking to him about it). Lucas brought his son Harden by and Moira came by with Billy and Maggie Creel. Even Lucy West showed up. We all laughed and had a good time. It was a nice change of pace from all the frenetic worrying I've been doing the last week. Felt really homey, you know?

Finally it ended up just me and Lucy, talking a bit while Wadsworth made water (to take the edge off, you know. Hydration is important, you taught me that). She asked me what I wanted to do next and I told her that I was starting to think it was time I found you, dad. Lucy's a lot like me, actually. We both left our hometowns to go wandering the wastes. Of course, her story is a bit more willing than mine is, but we're both out here now; seeking our fortunes. She's got a whole family waiting for her back home, though, whereas I've only got you. I hope she never has to learn what it's like to only have one person left in the world to call family. She asked me to pay them a visit, actually, if I'm in the Arefu neighborhood. I don't know where my search for you is going to take me, so I said sure.

I've decided to leave this journal here in my house. That way if you ever do come through Megaton again, I'll leave instruction for Lucas to get into my house and get you this journal. Hopefully it won't be necessary, because I'll have found you by then and you'll know all of this first hand.

I still haven't decided if I'm going to hug you or hurt you when I find you dad. I think I'm leaning more towards the former though. I'm getting used to this place. That giant roof called 'the sky' isn't so bad after a few days, and the people aren't all homicidal cannibals like the Overseer was always going on about. It's not great out here, dad, but it's not that bad if you can meet some good people.

Regardless of what happens before the next time I get a chance to write in this journal, if it finds its way to you, I hope it finds you in good health.

 

Your loving daughter.


End file.
